michael scott and leslie knope approved

28 April 2014

Dealing with Depression

I am depressed. It's funny because on the outside knowing me, you wouldn't think that would be the case. But I think that's kind of a fallacy that people have. We think that because a person's life seems happy, that the person must be happy. I think that's also a big problem with social media like Facebook or blogs. We forget that we're all human and imperfect.

Anyway, I've been dealing with some pretty severe depression these past few months. I think we all have some form of mild depression within all of us, some kind of dissatisfaction with reality. Some of us just lose the will to fight it sometimes. Lately, I feel like everything I had hoped for, dreamed about, and looked forward to throughout my life has been kind of crushed into smithereens. Hopelessness, that's how they describe depression. A feeling of hopelessness. And it's suffocating and torturous. Trying to be happy when you're not and trying to just make it through the day. The hardest part is waking up sometimes. Not only are you depressed but the depression can be contagious and crippling to the people around you. 

I know it has been for me and Kyle. It has definitely been one of the biggest hurdles we've had to overcome together. Kyle loves me deeply and therefore, he hurts when I hurt. Maybe he hurts more. He wants to help me but neither of us know how. Despite it all, the many arguments and constant tears, Kyle tells me he loves me more and more each day and that we will get through this together.

I've decided that I will get through this. I want us to be happy again. I think a big part of overcoming depression is understanding why you're depressed and then trying to be positive. I've been making note of good moments each day and recently, I've noticed there's been more and more. There's a beauty in that, the depression. It forces us to appreciate the little things again.

As a reminder to myself, my good moments this week:
  • A couple letting me have a recently vacated parking spot despite the lot being full.
  • After an embarrassing emotional meltdown at the movie theater lobby, one of the bartenders offering me a free drink.
  • My friend Jaymik sitting next to me while I cried in the lobby. I wasn't alone.
  • Emily saying "Tami, you know you're my mommy too right? I love you so much."
  • My nephew calling me "the most beautiful, beautiful x100 princess Tami."
  • Kyle hugging me a good solid five minutes this morning.
All in all, it's been a pretty good week.
22 April 2014

My First Herb Garden

Happy Earth Day! And to celebrate the holiday, I present my very first herb garden! I admit, I'm probably way too proud of this little guy. I've been showing everyone (co-workers, family members, even our dog, Pepper) pictures of it, hoping for an exclamation of "Holy bananas! That's one incredible herb garden! You must be the herb whisperer or something!"

Let me begin by saying, I definitely do not have a green thumb. In fact, I don't have a green appendage anywhere on this body. But I've been dreaming about starting my own herb garden ever since I realized I don't actually have to pay $4 every time I need a bunch of basil. So a few weeks ago, I decided to give it a try.

It started out innocently enough, just a pot of basil and thyme at first. But I became seriously addicted. Next thing I knew, I had pots of rosemary and cilantro and even mint (yes, mint! that tricky little sucker!). And let me tell you (being the herb whisperer and all) that if I've learned anything in the last few weeks of herb gardening, it's these three things:

1. Do not overwater your herbs until they're drowning. Sorry dill, you'll be missed.
2. Get a little protector gnome and hope these little guys survive the crazy Texas weather.
3. Food tastes so much better with fresh (and basically free!) herbs.

"I got yo' back, herbs." - G' Nome
20 April 2014

Easter Egg Decorating: Serious Business

Happy Easter! I hope everyone is having a blessed and happy day!